Tuesday, November 24 11:40 am PT: The world of celebrity boxing captivates me. Not the actual competition, which is a ludicrous and boring display of limp-fisted rejects so heavily padded they could survive a three-story fall, but the politics of it. What goes through the mind of a Todd Bridges in the moments leading up to a bout? Does he tell his family about it, or does he hope they don’t stumble across a flyer? Does “Screech” from “Saved by the Bell” put a trophy earned over “Horshack” from “Welcome Back, Kotter” on his mantle? And do promoters really need to file a lawsuit when one of them comes to his senses and backs out of a fight?
Apparently, they do: according to a wire press release, rapper DMX is being sued for one million dollars following his exit from a planned December 12 match against non-celebrity Eric Martinez. Thunder Promotions is claiming DMX backed out when he realized the outcome would not be fixed in his favor.
While I admire the integrity displayed by promoters inclined to employ Vanilla Ice, it is difficult to imagine a scenario in which DMX’s participation has a market value in the seven figures. Thunder will forge ahead with the show, now topped by an MMA bout between Jeff Monson and Travis Fulton and featuring Martinez facing Coolio in a kickboxing match. If you can find a better time in Birmingham, Alabama, I’d like to see it.
Tuesday, November 24 11:03 am PT: Vitali Mitu, a political science major with an eye on a pro fighting career, died last Thursday in a Bucharest, Romania gym after a session. Physicians who examined him claim lung edema, bleeding, and pneumonia were present, and the translations circulating seem to imply Mitu’s death was due to existing causes, not any damage sustained in training. Early reports pointed fingers at Semmy Schilt, the 6’11” K-1 attraction who was at the gym that day and was alleged to have either kicked or kneed Mitu before Mitu collapsed. This is likely a load.
Since I’m not in communication with Romania’s version of Mike Wallace -- and because I strongly suspect there is no Romanian Mike Wallace, or even a Romanian Stone Phillips -- I’m going to imagine that Schilt’s name was dug up because his was the most notable associated with the gym and that Semmy-kills-man-in-training stories circulate strictly because of their morbid appeal.
Good shape and fight shape are two different beasts. If Mitu was attempting any one of the borderline-psychotic routines prizefighters favor with the added handicap of pneumonia, his demise is sad, but not shocking.
For many, 1999’s “Universal Soldier: The Return” left a lot of unanswered questions. For example: why was this movie made? Who funded it? Why was the film stock not used for other, more valuable purposes, like compost additive?
We continue to wait for answers and studio-funded counseling. In the meantime, Tri-Star and Sony have completed work on “Universal Soldier: Regeneration,” a straight-to-DVD sequel featuring returning stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, and new mope-faced recruit Andrei Arlovski. After back-to-back losses, it must be nice to return to being the toughest man in the room again.
“Soldier” scholars will recall that the Van Damme films, of which this is the third, refuse to recognize the canonical contributions of the Jean-Claude-deprived “Universal Soldier II” and “Universal Soldier III.” If you are under the assumption this is “Universal Soldier V,” you can expect to be the running joke of your social circle.
Lundgren fans should be advised that he allegedly has only a small part in the film; Arlovski receives top billing, at least in the trailer, which may chafe Mr. Van Damme considerably. The disc is slated for a January 5 release: a bit of a bummer for Christmas, until you realize that anyone you gave this film to would hold a grudge.
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